This is the first post of our newly created Junkyard section. Anything we can’t really categorize we’re going to put here. Enjoy! Should I put something I am proud of? Maybe something funny instead? Maybe something embarrassing. How does two out of three sound?
Funny. Embarrassing. Deadly Shit. Shitty Towers. Deadly Towers.
Why I Bought It
Gimme a break guys. I was in my teens and got a NES not long beforehand. Back then there were barely any good gaming mags, no internet and rentals were hit and miss, since most places only carred a limited selection of games. It was all about snazzy box covers. I also had a wad of Christmas money burning a hole in my pocket. I remember buying it either Boxing Week or the first or second week of January.
Where I Bought It
That hellhole place called Compucentre. Back in the mid-80s, if you wanted to buy PC or computer games in Canada you had to mostly buy it from independent game stores, Toys R Us, or the laughable Consumers Distributing. There was also the overpriced Compucentre in shopping malls. I’m not even sure Future Shops were up and running in my area. No Best Buys, no Costco, no Walmarts yet, you get the drill.
What I Paid
There are some games I remember the price. This is one of them. Must be a subliminal message my brain reminds me so I never do it again. $54.99 + tax. It was “on sale” for a humongous $5 off. I guess I was excited about a dumb muscular guy, so I bought it….. (no, I’m not gay). And I hate the colour purple.
Most of you knowledgeable gamers know about NES’ Deadly Towers. But for those of you who don’t, it’s an action game where you control a blue guy with a big head, killing monsters with your sword (which you shoot like a gun), climbing towers (I think there were 8 of them) and defeating a boss at the top of each.
Sounds decent. No different than any other action game, but:
- Game was terrible. A good reason why Broderbund should have stuck to making educational games on Apple
- Visuals were horrible, many monsters weren’t even monsters but literally balls of goo
- Ear bleeding music (I actually still remember it and haven’t even went to Youtube yet to find a vid for this post)
- The music also drones for a second when entering a new area (watch the video below)
- Insanely hard at the beginning, since almost everything you get hit by kills you in 1 hit or maybe 2 hits. But later when you get powerful items, it becomes overly easy where the same monster would do 1 pt of damage
- You can kill fireballs with a sword
- An annoying gameplay mechanic where underground dungeons are automatically entered by bumping into invisible doors in the middle of the walkway. They were small, so it takes time to find them. Once you get in, it’s impossible to go through the endless rooms and hard monsters. Might as well just reload the game
- If I had to review the game now or back then, I’d give it a 0/5
One of my brothers and myself actually beat the game. Not sure why, but we did. Key takeaways from this experience are twofold:
- Never trust a dev known for edutainment to make a good “real” game
- I remember selling this game to a movie rental place for $20. I took the money and ran. Any money for this turd is a complete bonus